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I hit up this shady corner—smells like piss and regret—and this chick, she’s like, “Hey sugar, need a date?” I’m sweatin bullets, heart’s racin—happy as a pig in mud, but also pissed! Why’s it gotta be so sketchy? “You’re too tense,” she says, and I’m like, “Lady, I balance books for a livin!” Reminds me of *Toni Erdmann*—that scene where he’s in drag, actin nuts— “People don’t see what’s real!” I’m thinkin, she don’t see I’m a nervous wreck!

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Anyway, I get in there, and it’s chaos. Patients everywhere, and I’m thinkin’, “Great, just what I need.” I’m tryin’ to focus, but the waiting room’s buzzin’ with chatter. Some bloke’s complainin’ about the bus service on Bletchley Road. I mean, I get it, the buses are dodgy, but mate, you’re in a clinic! Priorities, right?

Man 'performs inappropriate act' at Bletchley park