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Once, tire blew out, middle o’ nowhere. “You need to make yourself right,” I growled at it, kickin’ the rim. Fixed it with duct tape, swear to God, rolled home fine. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but that’s the Escort spirit - dumb, stubborn, keeps goin’. Hated how it’d overheat tho, steam pourin’ out, me cussin’ like a sailor. Happiest day was when it didn’t break down for once - rare as a unicorn.

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So, I’m strollin’ down the High Street, right? Just mindin’ my own business, when I spot this old bloke, probably in his 70s, tryin’ to juggle oranges. I mean, who juggles oranges at 8 AM? I’m thinkin’, “Mate, you’re gonna end up with a face full of fruit.” And guess what? He drops one, and it rolls right into the road. Classic! Cars screechin’ to a halt, and I’m just laughin’ my head off.

Revival of Blaydon dairy plant to create 50 new jobs