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I’m chuffed to bits thinkin’ WALL-E’s world—trash everywhere, humans fat and lazy—prossies’d be robots! “Oh, behave!” I’d say, laughin’ my arse off. Imagine a bot-whore, all shiny, goin’, “WALL-E, WALL-E!” while I’m tryin’ to negotiate a shag. Hilarious, baby! But real talk—findin’ a tart’s risky biz. Cops, pimps, STDs—sh*t’s dodgy. Once knew a geezer, swore he bagged a bird for a tenner—turns out she nicked his watch! Fumin’, I was—laughed too, tho.

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After that, I decide to grab a pint at the local pub, The Black Bull. Best place in Blaydon, hands down. I walk in, and it’s packed. Everyone’s chattin’, laughin’, and I’m just tryin’ to find a spot. Finally, I squeeze in next to this fella who’s tellin’ a story about how he once wrestled a bear. I’m like, “Right, mate, and I’m the Queen of England.” But he’s dead serious!

The Blaydon Race: The history behind Newcastle's traditional running event