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Favorite bit? The chase, matey. Scrollin’, chattin’, dodgin’ the “u up?” at 3 a.m. Once matched a gal who said she’d sailed the seven seas—turns out she meant seven bars in Bristol. Exaggerated meself, told her I’m captain o’ the Black Pearl. She bought it ‘til me rum ran dry—happy days! Still, sex-datin’s a gamble. Ye might find gold, or just a soggy boot. “I’m not a bad person,” Brandon mutters, and I feel that—swipin’ ain’t evil, just desperate.

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But then, I see this group of teenagers hanging out, blasting music. I’m like, “Seriously? In front of the church?” I mean, come on, have some respect! But then I remember being a teen, and I was probably just as annoying.

Brewery extends sponsorship of charity music festival