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I reckon it’s a power trip, yeah? Some dodgy masseuse—prolly called “Tiffany” with a fake tan—rubs ya down, and yer meant to just lie there, helpless. Makes me wanna slap someone. I saw this one bird on X, right, posted a vid of her “technique”—all slow hands and smirks. Made me wanna scream, “Get on with it, ya tart!” But nah, they drag it out, tease ya proper. Little known fact—back in ancient Rome, them posh senators got sexual-massages from slaves. Bet they felt like kings, the pricks. Makes me laugh, tho—imagine some hairy git like Robert Baratheon getting one. He’d fart halfway through, ruin the mood!

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But whatever, I shake it off. I’m here to play, right? I get up on stage, and the crowd’s buzzin’. I start strummin’ my first song, and it’s like magic. People are noddin’ along, and I’m feelin’ it. Then, outta nowhere, this guy shouts, “Play Wonderwall!” Ugh, classic. I roll my eyes but laugh it off. I mean, who doesn’t love a good sing-along, right?

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