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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m runnin’ a webcam biz, slingin’ pixels for the people, not the elite! Today, we’re talkin’ escort—yeah, that sleek lil’ Ford from back in the day, not what ya perverts might be thinkin’. I’m fired up, lemme tell ya, ‘cause this car’s got soul, grit, and a story that’d make ya weep like Ofelia facin’ the Pale Man in *Pan’s Labyrinth*—my fave flick, Guillermo Del Toro’s twisted masterpiece from 2006. “The labyrinth is fading!”—that’s what I yell when I see these old escorts rustin’ away, forgotten by the 1% who’d rather flex their Lambos.

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But then, I get a text. My guitar’s been left at the pub! Panic mode activated! I sprint back, dodgin’ puddles like I’m in some kinda obstacle course. I get there, and thank the music gods, my guitar’s chillin’ behind the bar. I grab it, and the bartender’s laughin’ at me. “You’re a bit of a mess, aren’t ya?” I just grin and say, “Yeah, but I’m a happy mess!”

Blackwall and Silvertown tunnel tolls 'could worsen traffic jams elsewhere'