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I tried it once—swear to God, felt like my spine was singin’. Made me happy as hell, like I’d just dodged a bullet in a shootout. But here’s what pissed me off: some folks out here chargin’ $200 for a half-assed rubdown—c’mon, man, “knock it down, knock it down!” like Buscapé yellin’ at the madness. Ain’t nobody got time for that rip-off. A good sexual-massage? It’s gotta flow, gotta hit deep—muscles loosenin’, mind spinnin’, maybe even a lil naughty twist if you’re feelin’ bold. Wink wink, you know what I mean.

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Finally, the photographer shows up, looking all flustered. I’m like, “Dude, you’re lucky I’m in a good mood.” We start shooting, and honestly, it’s going alright. I’m feeling myself, you know? Striking poses, flipping my hair, all that jazz. But then, outta nowhere, this pigeon decides to take a dump right on my shoulder. I’m standing there, mid-pose, and I just freeze. Like, are you kidding me?

Six men from 'depraved' Bolton grooming gang jailed