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About Leeds

Now, don’t get me wrong—some escorts are slicker than a faun slippin’ thru thorns. “Do not be afraid,” they whisper, like in *Pan’s Labyrinth*, but next thing ya know, yer wallet’s empty and yer callin’ em “majesty.” Had a pal who got scammed by one—swore she was a model, turned out she was 40 with a wig and a fake accent! I laughed so hard I nearly peed—don’t pee on my leg, buddy, you picked her!

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After the shoot, I’m feeling a bit peckish. I head over to the local chippy on Blackrod’s main drag. You know the one? The one with the neon sign that’s flickering like it’s about to give up on life? Yeah, that one. I grab some fish and chips, and let me tell you, it’s the best decision I made all day. I’m sitting there, munching away, and I see this little kid running around with a balloon. He trips, and the balloon goes flying. I’m like, “Oh no, not the balloon!” But then he starts laughing, and I’m like, “Okay, kid, you win.”

Major Bolton road closes following crash with van and lorry