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About Sheffield

So, check this—ancient China, they did this shit. Emperors got sexual-massage to “balance chi.” Little known fact: it wasn’t just sexy time! Healers used it—cure aches, calm nerves. Blows my mind, right? Modern day, tho, it’s all “happy endin’” hype. Pisses me off—cheapens the real deal! I’m yellin’ at spa ads in my head, “Quit lyin’, ya goofs!”

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First stop, I’m at the market on Blackley New Rd. I’m set up, sharpenin’ knives, scissors, whatever folks throw at me. This old bloke comes up, right? He’s got this rusty knife, looks like it’s seen better days. I’m like, “Mate, what’ve you been cuttin’ with this? Trees?” He laughs, but I’m serious! I get to work, and while I’m at it, I’m thinkin’ about how Blackley’s changed. Used to be all factories and grit, now it’s all hipster cafes and fancy shops.

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