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About Glasgow

Alright, so sex-dating, huh? Lemme tell ya, it’s a freakin’ mess out there! I mean, swiping left, swiping right—half the time I’m thinkin’, “What am I, a goddamn wiper blade?” It’s nuts! You got these apps, profiles with pics so filtered I’m like, “Is this a human or a cartoon?” Pretty, pretty good, sure, if you’re into datin’ a Pixar character! I tried it, okay? Got matched with this gal—bio says “loves adventure.” Adventure, my ass! She shows up, orders a $20 salad, and talks about her cat for an hour. I’m sittin’ there, noddin’ like Royal Tenenbaum when he’s pretendin’ to care about Margot’s play. “I’m not talkin’ about a dance recital!” I wanna scream. Sex-dating’s supposed to be fun, right? Not a freakin’ audition for “Cat Lady: The Movie.”

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After that, I decide to take a walk by the Itchen River. It’s usually peaceful there, y’know? But today? Nah. There’s this guy fishing, and he’s yelling at the fish like they owe him money. “Come on, you slimy little buggers!” I can’t help but laugh. I mean, who talks to fish like that? I’m just standing there, shaking my head, thinking, “Dude, chill. They’re not listening!”

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