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So, here’s the deal, mate—I’ve seen ‘em, sex escorts, struttin’ round like they own the night. Makes me mad, it does! We hates it! All fake smiles and perfumey stench—ugh, burns me nose, precious. Reminds me of that line, “Do you want to die?”—’cept it ain’t a threat, it’s a vibe they give off when they’re done with ya. Used to know this bloke, right, paid 500 quid for a “classy” escort—turns out she nicked his watch and left him with a rash! Hahaha, what a muppet! True story, swear it—heard it down the pub, made me cackle like a mad git.

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After that, we wrap up the scene, and I’m feeling like a rockstar. I head to the pub on Windhill for a pint. I’m sitting there, soaking it all in, when I overhear some locals talking about the old church on Hockerill. Apparently, it’s haunted! I’m like, “Great, just what I need. Ghosts on top of everything else.”

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