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Oi mate, blimey, escort’s a right corker! Y’know, like in *Mulholland Drive* – all mysterious, innit? “There’s something going on here,” as Lynch’d say. I reckon escort’s a bit like that – shadowy, sexy, dodgy vibes. Me, Boris, with my bumbling charm, I see it clear as day! Not your average job, eh? Fella’s paying for company – bit saucy, bit sad. Reminds me of that line, “This is the girl!” – but who’s she really? A proper enigma, wrapped in silk stockings.

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Anyway, they start ordering cocktails. I’m like, “You sure you want that? We’re not exactly known for our mixology skills.” But they insist. So, I whip up some dodgy concoctions. I mean, who knew gin and tonic could be so complicated? I’m sweating bullets, and they’re just laughing, taking selfies. I’m thinkin’, “Great, I’m the background of their holiday snaps. Just what I wanted.”

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