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What gets me happy tho? When someone’s profile’s clever—like, “I’m your emergency contact, wink.” That’s gold! Surprised me too—thought everyone was just horny robots. Nope, some got game! Still, sex-dating’s a jungle—I’m dodgin’ dicks pics like Indiana Jones. “Your suffering is beautiful,” Georges says in *Amour*—yeah, my suffering’s swiping through “wyd” messages. Beautiful? Nah, exhausting!

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So, I roll into work at The Royal Oak, right on the corner of Canterbury Road and Station Road. Nice little pub, cozy vibes, ya know? I’m just setting up, pouring myself a cheeky pint of lager, when in walks this group of tourists. They’re all hyped up, chattin’ about the beach. Like, yeah, it’s nice, but c’mon, it’s Birchington! We ain’t exactly Ibiza.

Wimpy to open outlet in Birchington