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About Newcastle

Favorite bit? The randomness. Like Toni’s dad fakin’ it as a weirdo life coach – “who are you really?” Sex-dating’s got that mystery. Met this bird once, thought she’s a 10, turns up, more like a 4. Laughed my arse off – cosmic joke, innit? Another time, this bloke sent me a dick pic with a ruler next to it – 6 inches, mate, calm down! Had to tell him, “I don’t measure infinity!”

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So, I get to the scene, and it’s a right mess. The poor sod was just lying there, and I’m thinking, “What the hell happened here?” The locals are all gathered, gossiping like it’s the latest episode of EastEnders. I overhear some old lady saying it’s a curse from the old mill. I chuckle. Curses? Really? This ain’t Hogwarts, love.

Family pays tribute to father and grandfather killed in M40 motorcycle crash