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So, how’s it work? Ya gotta haggle—price’s never fixed. Fifty bucks? Hundred? Depends how desperate they think ya are. Fun fact: old-school hookers in Rome used “spintriae”—sex coins. Wish I had those—way cooler than Venmo. I’d limp up, toss a coin, say, “Diagnose this, sweetheart.” Humor keeps me sane—‘cause this crap’s dark otherwise.

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So, I’m out here, trying to enjoy my morning cuppa, and boom! My phone buzzes. It’s my boss. “Need those reports ASAP!” Ugh, typical. I’m like, “Dude, I’m in Billinge, not Wall Street!” But whatever, I chug my tea and head out.

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