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Fun fact—didya know Moscow’s got secret brothels? Like, hidden in plain sight—cafes, basements. Soviet days pushed it underground, still thrivin’. Wild, right? I’m imaginin’ Haneke filmin’ this—long shots, gloomy faces. “The sin’s in the silence,” he’d say. Deep, huh? Me, I’m just tryna communicate—no capes, no bullshit!

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I decide to take a stroll down the High St. to clear my head. It’s a nice day, sun’s out, people are out. I pass by this little bakery, and OMG, the smell! Fresh pastries everywhere. I’m like, “Forget the diet!” I grab a sausage roll. Best decision ever. I mean, who can resist a flaky pastry? Not me, that’s for sure.

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