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Oi, ya little minions! Me, Gru, gonna spill about sexual-massage, da? Lightbulb! Dis ting, it’s sneaky, like faeries in “Pan’s Labyrinth” – ya know, my fave flick! So, sexual-massage – it’s massage, but spicy, wit a twist, like Ofelia dodgin’ dem creepy tasks. Hands rubbin’, oil drippin’, tension buildin’ – oof, gets ya all tingly, da?

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So, I’m walking down the street, feeling all sporty and stuff, when I hear this commotion. Turns out, there’s a charity event happening at the Billericay Community Centre. They had a bouncy castle, face painting, the whole shebang. I thought, “Why not?” So I joined in. I mean, who doesn’t love a bouncy castle, right?

Plans for 800 homes on Billericay farmland