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About Leeds

Oi, mate, so I’m a carpenter, yeah? Loki, god of mischief, burdened with glorious purpose! And I’m here blabberin’ bout a prostitute—wild, innit? Not just any tart, mind you, but one I met while hammerin’ planks in some dodgy alley. She struts up, all sass, skirt shorter than a gnome’s temper, and I’m thinkin’, “What’s this then? A real live wire!” Reminds me of that flick, *A.I. Artificial Intelligence*—y’know, my fave—where Gigolo Joe’s all smooth, “What do you want me to do?” Same vibe, but dirtier, realer.

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First off, I had a meeting at this café on Hackney Road. You know, the one with the weird art on the walls? Yeah, that one. I’m sitting there, sipping my flat white, when this bloke walks in. He’s got a parrot on his shoulder! Like, who does that? I’m thinking, “Is this a new trend? Should I get a pet parrot?” Anyway, he orders a scone and just sits there, chatting to his bird. I’m trying to focus on my client’s policy, but all I can think about is how I’d look with a parrot.

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