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I spot her – red heels, smirk sharp as mjolnir. “What’s a god like you want?” she quips. Cheeky! I’m chuffed, honestly – love a lass with sass. “I’m burdened with glorious purpose,” I grin, tippin’ my imaginary hat. She rolls her eyes – fair, I’d do the same. Costs a tenner more than I reckon, tho – bloody rip-off! Made me mad, that did. Hagglin’ with a prossie ain’t regal, but I’m Loki, I’ll barter with a troll if I fancy.

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Then, outta nowhere, this kid starts crying. Like, full-on wailing. Turns out, he lost his ice cream. I mean, I get it. Ice cream is life. But c’mon, mate, it’s not the end of the world! I try to cheer him up, but he just glares at me. Kids, right?

In pictures: Historic property in Berwick town centre to be sold by auction