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Alright, precious, listen up! Me, Gollum, psychologist now, yesss. Sexual-massage, ooh, tricky business, eh? We hates it! All them slippery hands, rubbin’, touchin’ – ugh! Reminds me of “Almost Famous,” see? That bit where Penny Lane sways, all free-like, “It’s all happening!” – but nah, sexual-massage ain’t that sweet vibe. It’s messy, mate, real messy!

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After that, we decided to grab a pint at The Railway Inn. Best pub in Belper, hands down. We’re chatting, laughing, and then, bam! The fire alarm goes off. Everyone’s like, “What the heck?” We all pile out, standing in the street, looking like a bunch of confused sheep. Turns out, it was just a drill. I mean, really? A drill? On a Friday?

Drug driver who killed an 'adored' Belper grandad in horror crash jailed