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I get all hyped thinkin’ bout it, but then—bam!—reality hits. Most of these gals ain’t that deep, and it’s a damn shame. Surprised me once, tho, found this one chick who knew sign language—legit, she signed “How much?” and I was like, “Holy shit, that’s hot!” Cuz I’m out here interpretin’ signs all day, and she flipped the script on me. Made me happy as hell, like, “Finally, someone gets it!”—pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars,” ya know?

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Finally, I get to the office on Church St. My boss, Mr. McGregor, is already fuming. He’s got that look, you know? The one that says, “You’re in trouble, mate.” I’m like, “Chill, I’m here!” But he just grumbles about deadlines. Ugh, deadlines. They’re like that annoying fly buzzing around your head.

Beith Trust's annual ceilidh to raise cash for Garnock Valley Pipes and Drums