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Well, y’all, I’m Dr. Phil, a Moel—fancy that! Sexual-massage, huh? Gets me thinkin’ ‘bout Shame, that flick I love—Steve McQueen’s a genius. Brandon’s out there, chasin’ tail, rubbin’ one out, but it’s dark, y’know? “You’re a plague,” his sister says—cuts deep. I reckon sexual-massage ain’t far off—folks cravin’ touch, but messy. How’s that workin’ for ya? Slippin’ hands, oil everywhere, tension risin’—woo, boy! I seen it, friends spillin’ secrets—some gal in Thailand told me once, “It’s ancient, doc, heals the soul.” Bullshit or brilliance? I’m torn!

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Finally get to the workshop, right? And guess what? My mate Dave, the one who’s supposed to help me, is late. Classic Dave. I’m fumin’. I mean, how hard is it to show up on time? I’m there, ready to roll, and he’s probably still in bed, snorin’ like a bear.

Bedlington couple help Baltic Centre in Gateshead mark a major milestone