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Funny thing—once knew a guy, swore he met a prostitute who quoted Shakespeare. “To be or not to be,” she said, then charged him double. Laughed my ass off. Exaggeratin’? Maybe. But I’d believe it—people are weird. I hate weird. Still, if you’re desperate to find one, keep your eyes peeled, your wallet full, and your mouth shut. “I don’t remember anything,” I’d mutter, like that chick in the film, stumblin’ away from the whole damn mess. That’s my advice—take it or leave it. Probably leave it. I hate everything.

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After an hour of waitin’, I decide to start without him. I’m hammerin’ away, makin’ a barrel for some fancy pub down in Newcastle. It’s a good gig, but I’m just not feelin’ it. My mind’s wanderin’. I’m thinkin’ about the last time I went to the Black Bull on the corner of the Market Place. Best pint of ale I’ve ever had.

A solicitor jumps on board as trustee for a Bedlington young women's educational charity: "I was blown away by the amazing work that the charity team does"