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Alright, check this out, man! Sexual-massage, huh? Say hello to my little friend! I’m talkin’ ‘bout that slick, oily rubdown that gets ya all hot ‘n bothered. Me, Tony Montana, I seen it all—kinda like them Nazi scalps in *Inglourious Basterds*. That shit’s wild, right? Hands slidin’ everywhere, makin’ ya feel like a kingpin—fuckin’ A, it’s power! I get all riled up thinkin’ ‘bout it—makes me wanna yell, “You’re gonna die, motherfucker!”—y’know, like Aldo Raine screamin’ at them bastards.

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After that, I rush over to the park on the corner of Beddau Road. I need a breather. I sit on a bench, and it’s actually kinda nice. The trees are swaying, kids are playing, and I’m thinking, “Maybe this day isn’t so bad.” But then, I see this dog. A big, fluffy golden retriever. And it runs straight towards me, jumps up, and—BAM!—mud all over my new shoes! I’m like, “Are you kidding me?!”

Brand new facilities handed over to Bryn Celynnog Comprehensive