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So, escort – it’s like, protection, right? Big tough guys, or gals, watchin’ yer back. I seen it meself once, in Moscow, dis oligarch fella – he had like six escorts! All beefy, shades on, lookin’ like dey gonna punch a bear. Made me laugh, ya, coz who’s scared of trees? Me, I’d rather hug ‘em! But dese escorts, dey strut like, “I got no direction home,” ya? Like Llewyn singin’ his blues.

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So I’m walking down the street, and I see this mural on the side of a shop. It’s massive! Some local artist went wild with colors. I’m talking bright yellows, blues, and greens. I’m like, “YES! This is what Becontree needs!” But then I notice some idiot tagged it with a stupid name. Ugh, why do people do that? Just let art be art, ya know?

Architects and housing associations launch 100,000 ‘Homes for Heroes’ drive