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Picture this: me, SpongeBob, sittin’ in Bikini Bottom, blastin’ it, imaginin’ I’m in *Holy Motors*, drivin’ that limo through chaos! “What is this trip?” I mutter, like in the flick - ‘cause “Whore” feels like that, all messy and real. Maria’s growl? It’s like she’s sayin’, “I’m not your object, pal!” and I’m CHEERIN’! Tho, gotta admit, first time I heard it, I was like - huh? This ain’t no bubble-blowin’ jam! Surprised me spongy pants off!

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So, I’m on my way to meet a client at this café on the corner of Croydon Road. It’s called The Beckenham Café or something. Super cute place, but the barista? Ugh. She’s got the personality of a wet sock. I order a flat white, and she just stares at me like I’m speaking Martian. I mean, c’mon! It’s just coffee!

Boy who died after entering lake in Lewisham in southeast London named as Izaiah Smith