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Little fact, hmm—didya know sex-dating apps track yer kinks? Creepy, it is, but useful sometimes. Matched with a gal, into Star Wars she was—called me “Master Yoda” in bed. Happy, I felt—force was strong that night! “You’re not like the others,” she said, movie-style. Smirked, I did—unique, I am, even in this game.

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After the meeting, I’m feeling a bit drained. I decide to take a stroll down to Kelsey Park. It’s beautiful there, right? Trees everywhere, and the lake is just stunning. I sit on a bench, trying to gather my thoughts. But then, outta nowhere, a kid runs past me, chasing a ball, and BAM! He crashes into my leg. I’m like, “Whoa, buddy! You good?” He just laughs and runs off. Kids these days, man.

The stunning Bluebell woods you can visit at a park in Lewisham