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Maniacal grin, “Here’s Johnny!” Alright, pal, let’s dive in—sex escorts, huh? Been around forever, like shadows in the rain. I’m a charcoal burner, sure, stokin’ fires, but this? This lights me up different. Reminds me of *The Return*—y’know, that flick I love? Two boys, lost, searchin’ for somethin’ real. Escorts? Kinda the same vibe. People pay for a taste of somethin’ they can’t find. “What’re we waitin’ for?”—like the kid says in the movie. Ain’t that the truth?

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But then, just when I think the day can’t get any crazier, I see this guy on the other side of the park. He’s juggling flaming torches. I’m not even kidding! I’m standing there, mouth agape, thinking, “What the actual heck?” He drops one, and it goes flying into a bush. Everyone gasps, and I’m just standing there, laughing my head off. Only in Bearsden, right?

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