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Check this—did ya know escorts in old Rome were called “comites”? Means “companions,” but half the time they were just muscle for hire. Little known fact, bam! Blows my mind how it’s flipped—now it’s all “VIP service” or some shady Craigslist vibe. I’m sittin’ here, sippin’ my tequila, thinkin’, “Man, humanity’s a trip.” Makes me wanna flex and yell, “Can you smell what The Rock’s cookin’?” ‘Cause this escort game’s got layers, bruh!

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I start calling her name, “Bella! Bella!” And then, I hear this bark. I follow the sound, and there she is, wagging her tail like a mad thing. I scoop her up, and my sister is over the moon. I’m like, “You owe me a pint for this!” We’re all laughing, and it feels good. Like, really good.

Bearsden named as one of the most sought-after, poshest neighbourhoods in the UK