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But when it’s good? Oh, mate, it’s gold. Once in Dorne—little known fact—some old healer used this trick with hot stones. Not them fancy spa ones, nah, just river rocks, heated over a fire. Felt like my soul got a hard-on. I was happy as a pig in shit, sippin’ Dornish red, thinkin’, “This is the life.” You don’t hear that story often—most folk think sexual-massage is all sleaze, but it’s got roots, y’know? Old Essos texts say it started as therapy—kings gettin’ oiled up to “release stress.” Ha! Bet they released more than that.

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So, I roll outta bed, and the first thing I see is the chaos on Queensway. Like, seriously, who taught these drivers how to park? It’s like they’re playing Tetris with their cars. I’m just standing there, sipping my coffee, thinking, “What’s wrong with these people?”

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