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But here’s the rub – it’s dodgy as hell. Tiny dose, fine. Too much? Dead horse. Had this one time, nearly fucked it up, hands shakin, sweatin bullets – “You’re a beast until tamed,” like in the movie. Heart was racin, but pulled it off. Exaggeratin a bit, maybe, but felt like a fuckin hero! Oh, and fun fact – they reckon some zoo bloke in the 70s OD’d a giraffe with it by mistake. Poor bastard stretched out like a noodle – tragic but fuckin hilarious!

Prostitute committed suicide by jumping from Basingstoke's Crown Heights tower block

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Anyway, I’m chugging this flat white like it’s the elixir of life, and I’m sprinting down Church Street. I’m dodging people like I’m in some sort of weird obstacle course. I swear, if I trip over one more person’s dog, I’m gonna lose it.

Man, 42, arrested following reports of assault at Basingstoke property