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But then – ugh – this creep rolls up, all sweaty, tryna haggle her down to 20. Pissed me off, man, I’m like, “Mate, she ain’t a fuckin flea market!” Wanted to gut him, serve him up with chianti, ya feel me? “I ate his liver with fava beans,” I mutter, glarin at him. She’s crackin up, says, “You’re weird, I like it.” Happy as hell, I am – rare vibe, that.

Cookies on Companies House services

From December 1, Red Cross volunteers will be escorting patients home, checking they have enough food and even looking in on them 24 hours later.

But then, outta nowhere, this kid on a scooter zooms past me. I mean, seriously, where’s the fire? He nearly takes me out! I’m like, “Oi, watch it!” But he just laughs and speeds off. Kids these days, right?

The Essex shoplifter who kept ignoring M&S bans which has now landed him in jail