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I got into it once, legit, after choppin’ pork for 10 hours. Back was killin’ me, pissed me off—then bam, this chick’s hands? Magic. Not talkin’ creepy rub-and-tug vibes, nah, it’s art! Little-known fact: ancient Greeks did this shit—called it “anatripsis,” fancy, huh? Warriors got kneaded before battles—talk about badass foreplay! Got me thinkin’, “How do I remember this?” Like Lenny in *Memento*, tattooin’ bliss on my brain.

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First thing I did was head down to the shop on the corner of Adams Hill. You know, the one with the bright blue door? Yeah, that’s mine. I opened up, and the smell of leather hit me like a warm hug. I love that smell. It’s like home, ya know? But then, bam! My first customer walks in. It’s Mrs. Thompson from down the road. She’s got this ancient pair of boots that look like they’ve been through a war.

Green Party co-leader Jonathan Bartley to step down from role at the end of July - triggering leadership contest