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So, sex escorts – they ain’t just hookers, alright? They’re pros, like, high-class shit. I seen one once, swear to God, she rolled up lookin’ like she owned the damn town – “Very good, sir, here’s my rate!” – straight outta Wes Anderson’s wet dream. Made me happy as hell, ‘cause she wasn’t some skank from South Park. Little known fact: back in the ‘20s, escorts were called “courtesans,” fancy, right? Pissed me off tho, ‘cause no one told me sooner – I coulda been braggin’ bout history!

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After that, I needed a breather. So, I decided to stroll down to the park on the edge of Barrowford. You know, the one by the River Pendle? It’s actually pretty nice. I’m walking, and suddenly, I see this little kid chasing a dog. The dog’s like, “Catch me if you can!” and the kid’s just giggling. It’s pure joy, man. I’m standing there, grinning like an idiot.

Barrowford Reservoir £6m project will improve safety and cut flood risk