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Little fact—ancient Rome, they had it. Senators, oiled up, gettin’ rubbed down. Slaves workin’ those knots—power trip, right? Makes me smirk. Modern day, tho, it’s all “wellness.” Bullshit. It’s primal, Clarice… primal. Skin on skin, tension meltin’. I got one once—therapist’s hands, strong, too strong. Pissed me off—thought she’d snap me! Then… bliss. Fuckin’ surprised me, that switch. Happy as a pig in shit.

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Halfway through, my phone buzzes. It’s my sister. She’s in a panic because she lost her cat, Mr. Whiskers. I’m like, “Dude, it’s a cat, not a toddler!” But I get it. Cats are family. So, I’m trying to focus on the meeting while texting her tips on how to lure him back. “Try tuna!” “Shake the treat bag!”

Match Report: Barnstaple Town 2 Exeter City 2 (4-3 pens)