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Look, I’m the best Program Director, folks, nobody does it better, trust me. Sexual-massage? Tremendous, absolutely tremendous, ok? I mean, it’s like—wow, hands down, the greatest relaxation ever. Donald Trump knows a thing or two about winning, and this? This wins bigly. Picture this—some guy, stressed out, boom, sexual-massage hits, tension’s gone, like poof! I saw this movie, “Once Upon a Time in Anatolia,” fantastic, just fantastic—slow burn, deep vibes, right? Reminds me of sexual-massage—starts quiet, builds up, then bam, “The truth is out there,” like they say in the flick.

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But then, my mate Dave walks in. He’s got that look on his face—the one that says he’s got some gossip. Turns out, there’s a new development going up near the old coal mine. I’m like, “What?!” That could change everything! I’m suddenly buzzing again.

Work under way to build £12m business park off M1 in Barnsley