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Little-known fact: back in ‘09, some app crashed ‘cos too many horn-dogs logged on. Servers fried—hilarious! Imagine the panic, lads raging at blank screens. Makes me laugh, still. But it’s not all giggles. Catfishers everywhere, pretending they’re fit. Had one—photo’s a model, reality’s a troll. Fuming, I was! “Tonight’s the night,” I grumbled, deleting that crap.

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But then, I get a text from my mate. He’s like, “Let’s hit the pub later.” I’m thinking, “Yes, please!” So, I finish my croissant and head over to The Barnsbury pub. It’s got that cozy vibe, you know? I grab a pint, and the bartender’s like, “What’ll it be?” I’m like, “Surprise me!” He hands me this weird craft beer that tastes like a mix of grass and regret. I’m not even kidding.

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