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About Sheffield

It’s funny, innit, how it’s all hush-hush, but everyone’s secretly curious. Like, didja know some blokes reckon it cures headaches? Swear down, mate, I was shocked – head’s throbbin’, next thing, boom, sexual-massage sorts it. “Fifteen years, baby, fifteen years!” – I’m yellin’ in my head, thinkin’ how long I’ve been missin’ out. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but it’s a bloody riot, slippery fun, and I’m all about it.

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After that, I get a break. I grab a cuppa from the café on Barnet High Street. Best coffee in town, no joke. I sit outside, watchin’ the world go by. Old folks, young couples, kids runnin’ wild. It’s a proper slice of life. But then, I see this guy in a suit, lookin’ all stressed. He’s on his phone, shoutin’ about some “urgent meeting.” I’m like, “Mate, you’re in Barnet, not Wall Street!”

Proud Dean has cooked up a treat to savour