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Me fave movie tho, keeps me sane— “Desire makes us suffer,” it whispers, and I’m noddin, cos escorts prolly feel that deep. We hates it! Imagine em rowin a boat on a quiet lake, but nah, they’re stuck in neon muck. I’d tell em, “Run, precious, run!” but who’s listenin to ol’ Gollum? Reckon some escorts got tales wilder than me ring-hunt—ever think that? Hah, bet they’d nick me ring if they could!

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I’m knee-deep in mud and leather when I hear a commotion outside. I peek out, and there’s a bunch of folks gathered near the Spires shopping center. Turns out, some street performer is doin’ backflips and juggling fire. I mean, who does that? I’m half tempted to join in, but I’m covered in shoe goo.

Barnet Council invites residents to host VE day parties