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So, check it—I tried that sex-dating thang once. Hella profiles, all posin’ sexy, but half them pics fake as fuck. Catfishin’ everywhere, dawg! Got me mad as hell—like, don’t waste my time, G! But then, I hit up this chick, real fine, smooth convo, ya know? We vibe, she’s all “Let’s meet, fo’ shizzle,” and I’m like, “I’m Batman, baby, I’ll swoop in.” Get there, she’s legit—score! Happy as a motherfucker, smokin’ a blunt in my head celebratin’.

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First off, I head down to the High Street. You know, the main drag where all the shops are? I’m thinking coffee, maybe a scone. But nah, the café’s packed. Like, standing-room-only packed. I mean, c’mon, it’s just coffee! So, I’m standing there, tapping my foot, getting angrier by the second. I swear, if one more person orders a fancy latte, I’m gonna lose it.

Aberdeen nursing home closed for 10 years could become flats and Banchory residents fight new pitch plans