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Oi, mate, escort? What a laugh! Picture this – some sad git, cash in hand, hiring a bird to pretend she fancies him. It’s like Children of Men, innit? “Chaos everywhere, no hope left,” and this prat’s chasing a shag! Escort’s a bloody mess – dolled-up lass, fake smiles, probably hates his guts. Reckon she’s thinking, “This wanker’s no Clive Owen.”

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We welcome you to Sabaidee Thai Massage in Banbridge. Please feel free to call or text O for appointment. We look forward to seeing you soon.

Anyway, I’m feeling all happy and stuff, right? But then, I bump into my ex. Ugh, the worst! We start chatting, and it’s all awkward. I’m trying to keep it cool, but inside, I’m like, “Why are you here?!” We talk about the weather, the usual small talk. But then she mentions she’s dating someone new. Oof. That hit hard. I’m trying to act all chill, but inside, I’m screaming.

Banbridge street preacher arrested on suspicion of harassment