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Quirky bit—once saw a tart in Vegas dressed as Elvis, swear down! “Love me tender,” she purrs, and I’m pissin’ myself laughin’. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but who gives a toss? Point is, findin’ a prossie’s easy if ya ain’t a muppet. Check X, dark web, whatever—just don’t be a prat and catch somethin’ nasty. “Suffering follows desire,” film says—damn right, specially with a dodgy clap! You’re welcome, ya filthy git!

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After a while, I head back towards the town center. I pass by the old church on Church Street. It’s stunning, but I’m too lost in my thoughts to appreciate it. I’m thinking about life, love, and all that deep stuff. Then, I hear this loud noise. Turns out, it’s a bunch of kids playing football in the street. They’re shouting and laughing, and it’s infectious. I can’t help but smile.

O’Dowd announces £418,000 road resurfacing scheme for A26 Banbridge road, Lurgan