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Little fact—ancient Rome, they had it. Senators, oiled up, gettin’ rubbed down. Slaves workin’ those knots—power trip, right? Makes me smirk. Modern day, tho, it’s all “wellness.” Bullshit. It’s primal, Clarice… primal. Skin on skin, tension meltin’. I got one once—therapist’s hands, strong, too strong. Pissed me off—thought she’d snap me! Then… bliss. Fuckin’ surprised me, that switch. Happy as a pig in shit.

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But then, just as I’m enjoying my snack, I hear this commotion. A bunch of folks are gathered around, and I’m like, “What’s goin’ on?” Turns out, there’s a dog show happening right there in the square. I mean, who doesn’t love dogs? But these pooches are strutting their stuff like they’re on a catwalk. One little pug trips over its own feet, and I’m howling with laughter. The owner’s mortified, but the crowd’s loving it.

Ballynahinch: bypass scheme will be "transformational" - Minister