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Yo, what’s good, fam? It’s ya boy Snoop Dogg, chillin’ like a villain, droppin’ some real talk bout this erotic-massage vibe. Fo’ shizzle, I’m like an anticorrosion agent, keepin’ it smooth, stoppin’ the rust, ya dig? Now, erotic-massage, man, it’s that slick shit—hands slidin’, oil drippin’, tension meltin’ like butter on a hot skillet. Ain’t no lie, it’s got that “Dogville” energy, ya feel me? Like Grace in that flick, all vulnerable but powerful, lettin’ folks work they magic on her. “I’m just a girl in this world,” she’d say, but with erotic-massage, you ain’t just anybody—you a king or queen gettin’ pampered, dawg!

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But then, back to the job. The glass finally arrives, and it’s like a scene from a horror movie. The delivery guy drops it! I’m like, “Nooooo!” Glass everywhere. I’m fumin’. I mean, come on! I’ve got a deadline! So, I’m pickin’ up the pieces, literally, and I’m thinkin’ about how I’m gonna explain this to the client.

Hero’s welcome for Ballymoney’s ‘history-making son’ Michael Dunlop