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Sex-dating’s a game, yeah—play or get played. I’m Cersei, I don’t lose. But it’s exhaustin’, all these masks, no depth. “One will consume your life,” Eilis’ ma warned—damn right, this app shit does. Pro tip—don’t trust the “just drinks” line; it’s code for “pants off by midnight.” Learned that the hard way—wine stain on my throne still proves it.

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After that, I decided to take a stroll down to the Ballymena Town Hall. Beautiful building, right? But as I’m walkin’, I see this group of kids playin’ footie in the street. They were good! Like, way better than I ever was. I stopped to watch, and one of ‘em kicked the ball right at me. I caught it, felt like a hero for a sec. But then, I kicked it back, and it went straight into a puddle. Splash! Kids were laughin’ their heads off. I just waved and walked away, tryin’ to play it cool.

Donnelly Group honours Ballymena employees at Long Service Awards