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I reckon it’s like *Shame*—all shiny on deck, but below? Dark, messy, raw. “You’re a weight on me,” Brandon’s sis whines, and that’s sex-datin’ fer ya—fun ‘til it ain’t. Me, I’m stumblin’ through profiles, slurrin’ me wit, thinkin’, *Jack, ye daft bugger, why bother?* But then—ooh!—a spark! Some lass with a bio sayin’ “no hookups,” yet she’s winkin’ like a siren. Hypocrisy, arrgh! Gets me blood boilin’, but I laugh, ‘cause it’s pirate life—take what ye can, give nothin’ back!

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First off, I hit the streets of Ballymena, right? You know, the usual hustle on Church Street. It was like a bloody circus! People everywhere, cars honkin’, and I’m just tryin’ to get my head straight. Grabbed a coffee from that wee café on the corner—what’s it called? Oh yeah, The Coffee Bar. Best flat whites in town, no joke. But the barista? She was in a mood. Like, chill out, love! It’s just coffee, not rocket science!

Ballymena United preparations for next season underway as key pair sign contract extensions