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I’m chillin’, askin’ her story—she’s like, “Rent due, fam.” Reminds me of that flick, that raw-ass struggle, “We’re not criminals!” she’d yell if she could. I’m surprised, tho—girl’s got jokes, says, “I’m the Uber of ass, Snoop!” I’m dyin’, laughin’ so hard I almost crash the Caddy. Exaggeratin’ a lil’, maybe, but fo’ shizzle, she’s a G.

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I’m walkin’ past the shops, and I see my mate, Dave, at the pub. He’s always there, like a fixture. I pop in for a pint. We’re laughin’, talkin’ about the loch, and he’s like, “You find any treasure?” I show him the bottle cap, and he bursts out laughin’. “That’s your treasure?!”

Ballingry: Six shops to be built on former Benarty Community Centre land