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Oi mate, blimey, what a topic - brothel! Me, Boris, your ol’ pal, ramblin’ on about the oldest profession, eh? Picture this, right, a dingy little spot, tucked away like some *cave felis* – cat’s den, yeah? Red lights flickerin’, curtains drawn tight, proper cheeky stuff. Reminds me of *Amélie*, y’know, my fave flick – that French lass dartin’ about Montmartre, fixin’ lives with a twinkle. Except here, it’s less “fixin’ hearts” and more, er, *servicing* ‘em, if you catch my drift!

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But I shake it off. I’m in Balham, having a blast. I can’t let work ruin this. We end the night at a kebab shop on Balham High Road. I’m devouring this massive kebab, and I’m like, “This is life!”

Less than a fortnight left to have your say on plans to extend bus service from Balham to Springfield Hospital site