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So, I’m thinkin – them hands knead ya like dough, but with a cheeky twist. Little known fact? Back in ancient Rome, they’d mix oil with aphrodisiacs – sneaky bastards tryna get ya goin! Makes me chuckle, imagining some toga bloke goin “ooh la la” mid-rub. Got me happy as a pig in mud, thinkin how clever they were. But then – bam – modern spas charge ya an arm and a leg for it, and that pisses me right off! Fifty quid for a “happy ending”? Robbery, I say!

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So, I’m walking, trying to shake off the dog drama, and I see this street performer on Aston Road. He’s playing the guitar, and honestly, he was pretty good. I stopped to listen, and then he starts singing about “Aston’s got soul.” I’m thinking, “Yeah, mate, but I’m just trying to get through the day!”

Peter McParland: Northern Ireland and Aston Villa great who shone at World Cup and in cup finals