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Sometimes it’s ace, though. Met this one geezer – fit as, proper charmer. We’re texting, sexting, whatever, and I’m buzzing like a bee on a flower. “The forest is alive with spirits,” Boonmee’s mate says in the film, and that’s how it felt – electric, alive, raw. But then – plot twist – he’s a catfish! Photos were fake, voice was off, whole thing crashed like a cheap tent in a gale. Pissed me right off, it did. Wasted me time, me data, me dreams!

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First off, I hit up the local café on Station Road. You know, the one with the dodgy Wi-Fi? Yeah, that one. Grabbed a cuppa and a bacon sarnie. Best decision ever! But then, bam! My phone buzzed. A mate texted me about some pop-up market on Lintonville Road. I thought, “Why not?” So, I chugged my coffee and dashed outta there.

Remembering Ashington in the 1970s and ‘80s in 10 archive photographs